Thursday, September 20, 2012

Frustrated, Aggravated, Confused

Found on Pintrest, don't know where it came from, it cheered me up.

Frustrated, Aggravated, Confused. These words describe how I felt last week. I was so upset I cried in the car, I cried in the shower, and I cried with other people. I am feeling much better this week and I will let you know how things are this week too.

Frustrated: Last week we got an update on our homestudy. It has just been sent to the state office. LAST WEEK. At the same time last week, several other couples that went through the class have been approved for adoption from foster care. I can’t blame our case manager for this entirely, we did ask to start the process a couple of weeks later, but for it to delay us THIS MUCH? Matt said it a good thing we are not in a big hurry. 

Aggravated: Last week (on the same day) I got a call from the Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor that we had seen in August. He wanted to let me know that he talked about the IVIg treatment with ALL the other MFMs and they would not prescribe the treatment. They agreed that it is a safe treatment, and should NOT CAUSE ANY HARM, BUT THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE THAT IT WOULD HELP. What? That is insane. A research hospital that is so very much respected by other doctors will not prescribe a treatment that has no side effects because there is NOT ENOUGH evidence that it will help. I called my OB and he is supposed to schedule me an appointment with another MFM that has a private practice and hopefully he will be willing to help. 

Confused: Through all of this I was left confused. We have been praying that God would make it clear what we should do and what way of growing our family we should pursue and last week I felt so confused. I have been praying that God would make it clear what door I should walk through and I felt more like I was in a revolving door that just kept me going in circles.   

Peaceful, Content, Thankful. These are the words that describe how I feel right now.

Peaceful: I am at peace about all of this at this moment. Matt has encouraged me to not be worried and fearful about my kidney numbers and stats. Less important are the actual numbers and more important is kidney stability. Right now my numbers are looking pretty stable, low and crappy- but stable. That’s a really good thing. I am reminded that I serve a great and awesome God, and He can make the impossible things POSSIBLE.

Content. In April, we bought a little foreclosure outside of town at a steal of a deal. We spent a lot of time together fixing it up and remodeling and even though it is half the size of our city house, I am so content here. Last night, I told Matt that we spend more time together now than we did before and it’s been really great. Now we do so much more together, we are not just sitting in the same room doing different things, but we are doing more together.

Thankful. I am  so very thankful for all the people that God has brought into my life. I am thankful for my husband and his ability to make me smile, provide for us, and love me even when I am an emotional basket case. I am thankful for all the new friends God has brought into my life. I am thankful for this opportunity to share what I am going through in my life, and I hope that somewhere out there my story is giving someone else a little glimmer of hope that things will always work out for the best when we are able to Trust In God.


  1. This post is inspiring. You are an amazing person who always keeps your eye on God and what His will is. He has BIG plans for you and Matt!! I am positive of that!

  2. I agree with Amber. I am so glad you are blogging about this right now because one day, when you have a vw bus full of kids, this will make for an awesome life stories to tell them! AND, your story and faith helps me with what I am going through. So glad God brought you into my life:)