Monday, August 13, 2012


I think it’s time I am real with you, honest, lay it out for you.  I don’t want anyone to have to walk in my shoes for a day just to have a better understanding of my life. Sure, there is a lot that’s not great in my life. My health is crappy, I take more medicine than someone my age should be taking, but I’m not about to die because of it. Sure I want kids, I’ve been pregnant three times, held two babies in my hands, received my fair share of stretch marks. I’m not even afraid of trying again. Complaining about the bad doesn’t make it go away. I’m not going to complain, I’m not discouraged by all this that’s going on.  There are also a lot of really great things in my life. I am going to live my life to the fullest, I am going to love deeply, and I am going to try new things.  I am going to surround myself with people that love me, encourage me, and lift me up. If you’re a discouragement to me then I am going to distance myself from you. Bad attitudes are contagious and they are not something I want to catch. 

This month I have seen a rheumatologist and an OBGYN. I already talked about my appointment with the rheumatologist here: Last week, I saw my OBGYN and we discussed trying again. He said that when you’re real and aware of the risk and have a good attitude you will eventually get what you want (in my case kids). We talked about getting pregnant again and he said that my chances of getting pre-eclampsia again are only 30% and it will probably happen later. I think that’s awesome and encouraging, I already made it to 25.5 weeks, I was so close, we will make it next time.

He is on board for the IVIg and he said we would work it out so that I could either get it here or up at the MFM. I am going to make a pre-conception appointment with an MFM and then we will be trying again hopefully this winter. He is on board for weekly appointments at his office and monthly visits with the MFM. This may be a little overboard but we want to catch anything before it becomes a problem. We will be controlling my bp with medicine, taking asprin and daily Lovenox shots to control the APS, and doing the IVIg.

I am going to be brave. One day I will be blessed with several children brought to me by God through birth and adoption. I hope that one day I (really the doctors that are helping me) am going to unlock mysteries of these medical problems I have and it’s going to make someone else’s life a little easier. I had a bad attitude last week, but I am going to be positive from here forward.  Life may still be hard, but it will be harder with a bad attitude.  Last week, I was discouraged and I felt like everything was hard; becoming parents is hard, being healthy is hard, being happy is hard. It’s my choice to be happy and have a good attitude. I hope that my bravery will be contagious. 

Job 22:26-29 MSG "You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One,  and look to him joyfully, boldly.
You'll pray to him and he'll listen; he'll help you do what you've promised.
You'll decide what you want and it will happen;  your life will be bathed in light.
To those who feel low you'll say, 'Chin up! Be brave!'  and God will save them.