Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Part 2 of No advice wanted

Here are some things not to do when you receive un-solicited advice:

1.        People always want to share their ideas of what would be right for you to do in YOUR life. They may mean well in their offer of advice, but if they don’t meet any of the 4 requirements above then ignore their advice. I have not always done this and it makes number 4 of the previous list harder. Much harder, it’s also not respectful of your spouse if you value others advice over his own opinions.
2.        When someone does give you advice that is not wanted, don’t in return be rude or ugly to them (or cuss them out).  It’s is fine to let them know that you are aware of the risks involved, you have doctors that are ready and prepared to help you do this in the safest way, and you and your spouse have discussed the pros and cons and you are prepared for whatever the outcome may be. It’s also fine to say “thanks for your advice” and stop there. Well, for myself I don’t stop there, in my mind I am saying a whole lot. The bottom line- it is none of their business and you can share as little information or as much.
3.        Some people may get very upset and mad if the choice you decide is not what they want you to do. If that is the case it may be best to take a break from that person. They may just need to wait and see you until after everything has happened and you and your little family are all STILL OK AND LIVING. (Little family would include you, your spouse and children.) 

Sometimes it’s hard to not talk about important things with other friends, family, and even my parents. I have to remind myself that there is a line that I need to make sure I don’t cross when sharing information with others. Sometimes that line is not where I want it to be, but where Matt wants it to be and it can be hard to respect that, but it’s important to respect him and do what is best for us.

I also have to remind myself that not everyone can handle hearing all the details about my kidneys and how they are functioning. For those people I have to keep things simple and say things like: my last labs were great and showed improvement or, I didn’t get the results I wanted. For those people it seems like their brains get overloaded after they hear something that may be bad and from that point forward in the conversation they can’t process any more information. At that point it’s hard to educate them on my disease so I find it best to keep things simple for them to prevent brain overload.

My next post will discuss what you should not say if you are giving advice.

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