Grace

As October approached, I started to get very sad. I had been thinking about all the things I would have liked to have done with Malakai at his big 1 year birthday, but am unable to since he left us so soon. Several of my friends were so sweet to me. I had a couple close friend send me cards to let us know that they still remember him and are thinking of me. A couple friends that were with us through Malakai's journey wanted to celebrate his day, so they took me to lunch. Another sweet friend thought of me when she was at a craft fair and picked up the picture I have posted today "Grace".

Looking back, I was so crushed that we were once again not able to bring home a baby. I was so ready to jump into adoption and fill that space in my heart with kids that needed a mom and dad. We really thought that God was leading us toward adoption. I mean- adoption is talked about as a awesome thing in the Bible, surely God would want that for us. We continued to pray that God would direct us and it seems pretty clear that God wants us to build our family another way. First, with the failed private adoption, and then second with the road blocks to get our approval for state adoption from foster care. God does like to surprise us, so maybe he has a curve ball for us, but for now we have peace about getting pregnant again.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor and I hope that he will prescribe IVIg treatments I have mentioned before. I am getting excited about the future for our family. Sometimes, I find it hard to get excited when things have gone wrong so many times in the past, but this time I am getting really excited. I will be completely honest, last pregnancy was so hard. I was so scared I would go to my next appointment and we would not be able to find the heart beat. I think I missed some of the joy of my pregnancy because of fear. I'm sure I will still have those moments, but I hope that in that moment I can remember to put my trust in the Lord.