One More

I want one more baby. Last month, when I saw my nephrologist and talked about getting pregnant again he asked me if I want "One more" in a way that made it sound like every perfect family in America is made up of TWO kids. I said yes, but in a way that left if open for more because truthfully, I would be just like Michelle Duggar and pop out babies every 18 months if I could. I've started a lot later than her so I wouldn't even get close to a dozen kids but I'm just making a point that I want a lot of kids. I've said I want four for at least the last twenty years and to me, it sounds like the perfect number. Here lately though, I've been trying to live in the present and stop worrying about how many kids I might have and just focus on Baby M and the next baby we are trying to have. 

I thought that since we finally found a treatment that worked and helped us bring home a baby, getting pregnant again would be easy. We would just do the same things we did last time and things would go great. It never crossed my mind that we might have another second trimester loss or even a miscarriage at all. I was very sadly wrong.

I found out just days after I got the "blessing" from my neph to get pregnant that we were. It was the Tuesday before my period was supposed to start and I had just a little bit of spotting, which is not normal for my cycle. My brain quickly ran to implantation bleeding as the cause so I took a pregnancy test and it popped up positive. When I was at Target I saw a cute "Big Sister" shirt so I bought it and Baby M was wearing it when hubby got home from work. I had already started planning the nursery and we were getting excited. Well, the bleeding never stopped and only got heavier and the next day it was a full period. I tested again and it was negative.

I went ahead and called my ob and they had me come in to see him and have lab work. My ob said that it's common to have chemical pregnancies and if I had never tested I would have never known but just in case it was caused by auto-immune stuff we doubled my meds. I doubled the plaquinel and baby aspirin and we decided that as soon as I got a positive I would start progesterone and lovenox. 

Fast-forward 26 days and another faint positive. This time, I didn't believe it and waited to test the next day. The line was so light I had to hold it in bright light to see it and even then I wasn't really sure I saw anything. Many, many test and two days later I got a real positive. Still faint but I knew it was really there. Then the next day, nothing, it was totally gone. I went ahead and called my ob to have labs (yesterday) but I'm pretty sure it was negative because they never called me back. I'm going to call tomorrow and ask about getting a rhogam shot and starting progesterone and lovenox even earlier. My period has also not started and since I'm on day 28 of my cycle it should have.

Here's what I think is going on: Conception is taking place but when the little babe goes to implant in my uterus something is going wrong. It's likely due to my anti-body stuff and the fix could be really easy or a little more complicated. Next cycle, I want to add progesterone and lovenox 5 days past ovulation. If that doesn't do the trick then I think I need to see a specialist. My ob has already called my MFM to schedule an appointment with him but I'm not sure this would be his area since they are happening so early. My MFM is really nice but I don't think he would be willing to try the lovenox and progesterone early as a precaution. My ob has always been very willing to try anything but he emphasized that I should wait until I get the positive to start either one. I hope one of them will agree with me. If not, I already have lovenox that I can start early but I don't know what I will do to find progesterone. 

I am really bummed that this has happened twice in addition to all we have gone through to have Baby M. I'm scared that trying to have ONE MORE BABY is going to bring a lot of tears just like it did with Baby M. It took us 5 years to have her and bring her home and it was a long road.