This week baby M turns four months old. I look at her and
wonder where the time has gone, it has flown by. Before she was even born I
started preparing myself for feeding her. I bought cute nursing covers, nursing
tank tops, and lots of Lanolin. I didn’t even think about bottles, I was
confident things would work and I wouldn’t need them. I’m sure I’m not the only
one that goes into parenthood thinking that nursing is going to be so easy and
such a great time of bonding. The truth is that for us it didn’t come naturally
and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, every time I tried to latch her all
she could do was scream. Truthfully, all I wanted to do was scream too. I felt like a failure and I had no clue why
it wasn’t working.
Pumping made me feel a little better, at least she was still
getting breast milk. Then the reality hit that I wasn’t producing enough to
feed her and I still had to pull out those cans of free formula they send you
while you’re pregnant. What a huge let down! (too bad not the letdown I read
about that happens when your breast feeding though) I tried so many things to
get my body to produce more milk but all of it only made minor improvements.
One night I even remember accidentally hitting her head on
the baby bed after a feeding/pumping session because I was so tired. Talk about
feeling like the worst mom ever. The exhaustion of pumping at least every three
hours for 45 minutes around the clock was starting to wear on me. I knew that I
wasn’t going to be able to do it for much longer because I wasn’t getting any
sleep and my body wasn’t able to heal from the traumatic delivery. I also knew
that I needed to start taking a medicine that would help my kidneys function
better but was not safe for breastfeeding. I prayed that something would get better
because I was so discouraged.
 |
| Freezer Stash of Breast Milk |
A best friend and I were talking about how hard it has been
and I mentioned that I was even thinking about using donor milk and then she
mentioned she had a whole freezer full that we could have. Her little girl is
just a couple months older that M and she was pumping everyday because she had
so much extra her little one wouldn’t eat and that’s when I really started to seriously
consider donor milk. Her stash lasted over 2 weeks before I found the Human Milk 4 Human Babies milksharing network. I quickly had a mom respond to my
wanted post and I ran to look and see if what I had stashed in the freezer would last until we were able to go pick it
up. I remember counting and thinking to myself that I didn’t think it would
last. The morning we were leaving to go get it I looked again in the freezer and
saw we still had a few ounces left. I remember the miracle that Jesus did when
he took the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and feed thousands and I felt like I
had just experienced a similar miracle.
We drove over 2 hours to pick up our next stash of milk and
I was again amazed at how God was using women to provide for my baby. This mom
had been pumping for months and like my friend, her baby would not drink the
pumped milk from a bottle. She didn’t know what she was going to do with all
the milk until someone told her about Human Milk 4 Human Babies It was amazing; her entire freezer
was full of pumped milk that she had been storing since before I had found out
I was even pregnant. I was amazed that it felt like God was setting everything
in motion to take care of M before we even knew she was going to be here.
Next, I found a mom that is local and she has been just as
amazing. She pumps everyday for us and she has even taken supplements to
increase her supply so that she can give us extra. I’ve been totally blessed to see others give
so much of their time to help us. She has even picked milk up from another mom
to give to us. The mom that she received the milk from is also amazing to pump.
She was a surrogate mom and she is still pumping for that baby and is giving
the extra away. I am totally amazed by the amount of love that these women have
shown us. Lastly, I get fresh milk on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from a friend
I went to high school with. She has five little ones at home to take care of
and she amazes me with her generosity.
What’s even more amazing than these moms has been witnessing
how God has taken care of our needs. It is amazing to see how the timing of everything
works out so that we have not had to give one single drop of formula to our
little one since I made the tough decision to stop pumping and feed donor milk,
and if you haven’t read my latest update on my kidneys, since delivery my
kidney function has returned to what it was before pregnancy. Read that update here:http://2kidneybeans.blogspot.com/2013/10/october-22-2013-dr-appointment-update.html
So let me take this moment to say thank you to these awesome
moms, my baby is growing and thriving because you take the extra time to pump
for us. We love you!
You made all the delicate, inner parts of
my body
and knit me together
in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully
complex!
Your workmanship is
marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in
utter seclusion,
as I was woven
together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life
was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day
had passed.
Psalm 139:13-16
